A Valentine's Day Solution

There are two kinds of Americans—those who love Valentine’s Day and those who hate Valentine’s Day. For those who hate Valentine’s Day I have a solution which I’m publishing now in order to give you time to make it happen.

Among the haters of Valentine’s Day are florists. Half their annual revenue comes on this one day. Florists sell a hundred and eighty-nine million roses on February 14.

Among those who hate Valentine’s Day are chocolatiers. Fifty eight million pounds of chocolates are sold in the first half of February—including 35 million heart shaped boxes of chocolates. Eight billion pastel colored hearts proclaiming fidelity on them are also sold in association with the patron saint of love.

On Valentine’s Day it is impossible to get a table at a nice restaurant.

In the week or so leading up to Valentine’s Day jewelers’ counters and mail routes—both underutilized most of the year—are clogged. What to do?

Eureka! A solution is at hand.

The fundamental problem is the same “problem” as Christmas—all that commerce and planning and anticipation and activity is funneled into a single day.  One cannot change Christmas (although some do sensibly celebrate the “twelve days of Christmas”) but one can certainly tamper with Valentine’s Day.

My proposal is to spread it over three days. February 14 would remain the same for unmarried lovers—those for whom nothing as quotidian as a weekday will get in the way of celebrating their love. Then (and here comes the revolution) the following Saturday will be Valentine’s Day for married couples. And, finally, the Sunday a week later will be Valentine’s Day for intergenerational love—when parents, grandparents, and children will shower each other with chocolates and roses and cards and eGreetings and meet at ice cream parlors and cheesecake factories.

The advantages are obvious. Florists will have two or even three weeks to vend their bouquets. Chocolatiers will also have the same extension of time to arrange and sell their delights. Making restaurant reservations will decrease in difficulty by 50%. And by the time the third Valentine’s Day comes around—think of all the sales to take advantage of.

And for some, best of all, you can take out both your lover and your spouse on their proper Valentine’s Day. Soon there may be only one kind of American.